My mom turned 60 yesterday!  Happy Birthday Mommy!

The weather here is cold, rainy and windy...I have been hauling a lot of fire wood inside lately to try and keep the chill out of the air in the living room/kitchen..we aren't in there much at all, but I believe it helps to keep this room warmer, when the front room isn't freezing.  I could be wrong. The goats are miserably wet in their pen..it is getting a little flooded in spots and definitely they need a drier spot.  I think organizing the barn and getting it ready for them is next on the list.  I sure am glad that we put the tarp on the north fence to help keep the wind out there, I hope it helps the cold anyway.  They huddle under the lean to, and fight over the igloo dog house.  Poor Dakota gets the short end of the stick most times.  Another Buff Orpington has gone missing.  She escaped the coop, and I think Bo killed her.  I have been busy studying Poultry catalogs so that I can order a batch of chicks, as well as, looking at seed catalogs.  I plan to plant a small container garden this year, AFTER I fence in behind the cabin.  I plan on buying one stock panel at a time, until I can fence in an area behind the cabin to park the car and plant a garden.  Once Mr. Cano finishes the porch it will provide a better sitting area closer to  the cabin, as well as, a place to put a small table to eat at..

We are watching one of the Stargate DVDs.  We picked up three movies at the library tonight, but watched them already.  Two of them were only 30 minute children's videos.  One on Harriet Tubman and the other on Thomas Edison.  The longer one was Eloise at Christmas.  We saw Eloise at the Plaza already.  Pretty cute movies.  Tomorrow we will pick up three more.  I don't often miss the DirecTV, but when we have exhausted our supply of DVDs at home, it can get boring.  The girls have been drawing tonight with their new art sets, reading more, and playing with their dolls.  I normally clean, read or research information online at night.  Plus, play with James and the girls.  When it's nicer weather they are outside until dark, but with the earlier dark times, plus the cold and rain drives us inside. 

"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city." Proverbs 16:32

The above is my verse for the day to remind me to not let others get to me and to be slow to anger (or irritate).

I have been reading how we have two parts of ourselves the appreciation room and the deappreciation room.  One room remembers and records all the positive and encouraging things our spouses or another says to us.  These things edify us and lift us up.  The other room records all the negative, hurtful things our spouse has said to us.  While the things in the deappreciation room are true, so are the things in the appreciation room.  We choose to dwell on one or the other.  By choosing the more positive, the longer you dwell on the positive aspects of your spouse, friend, etc., the better you appreciate them.  No one is perfect, not even ourselves.  And while another may hurt us (either physically, emotionally or verbally) there are times that they are normal human beings and do things that please us.  It may seem that these things are few and far between, but we need to ponder these things more often in order to dispel our anger against this person.  Anger feeds on itself, and pretty soon your entire being will be filled with anger and hate towards a person  that does not deserve these feelings.  These ugly feelings will eat away at your soul too.  These things make me thing as I have had many people in my life hurt me, more verbally, but a few physically.  In general, I am not confrontational at heart.  I used to grieve myself sick over any injustices done to me, but the older I grew the more I stood my ground.  I still fail to understand why it is okay for one person to treat me wrong, but by standing up for myself I am viewed as the "troublemaker" or the one in the wrong.  Boggles the mind. 

I have ample reasons to be anger and filled with hate towards several people close to me.  But I am choosing to let things go. Others may view this as being weak, but I view this as being smart, taking the high road, being the better person.  I have too much responsibility to be weighted down daily by grief, anger and dispair.  Don't get me wrong  I am still bothered by these emotions at times.  Grief over my father's death, grief over losing yet another child and being the only one who cares about that, grief and over not being able to grieve properly.  Grief and anger over an ending marriage and loss of friendship.  Most days I choose to move past these things, as the responsibilities that I bear are great in caring for three children alone.  Oh caring for them alone is not new, I have done that the majority of their lives, but add to that the stress of providing financially for them in addition to the daily care is very pressing.  Don't get me wrong I LOVE my children, but it must be wonderful to be a man and be able to walk away and live your life without a thought for your children's welfare.  If I believed in reincarnation I'd like to come back as a man that way I could have an easier life.  LOL